Right now, i feel like just going down to Tanahmerah Mrt and pay the $1.60 like i usually do. Wait at the MRT Platform...till the train arrives. and jump. There goes my life worth of 160cents.Today i screwed someone's life. Someone who obviously has been there for me during my break-up. Never in my life i felt so much love after break-up. He gave me that assurance, confidence, life to move on. and i did. Im happy that i move on, eventhough the pain of hurt still lingers. He was ultimately concern bout my life. My parents love him soo much. But it seems i cant get to settle things down because im just not ready for another relationship.

Everytime i try to expalin myself, i dont really have an answer for why i dont wana be in another relationship. Probably its due to the major-afraid that im gonna be hurt again, im gonna be fooled again, my expactations were way high above the sky.or im just very afraid. Someitmes i wish that i dont go thorugh this stage in life, so i can accept the one who love me without any doubts. I think, my ex has thought me major lessons, that cannot be found in text-book, guide-book or self-help book. One moment someone can tell you they love you, wana marry you, they cannot live wothout you and then the next moment they say " i dont wana be with you. dont you get it."

Those words were the most piercing things someone ever said to me. Especially when it comes from someone you love the most. Till then, i dont know what happiness is.(of course there's moments when i can describe myself being happy so does such a term need furthur definition?) Happiness....is redundant..there's no way i can explain what happiness is for me. Cuase happiness was there for us to feel and not to be define.

IM A FUCK HEAD! & IM SO SORRY.