Oh thanks Nurul, see, how we concentrate during class, and Nurul snap a picture of me and the HOTTEST guy in class. (Ni part, lau matair die nampak, aku confirm confirm mati) HAHHAHA. ((:

Okay i cant wait for Friday! Im gonna sleep over at Mizah's house cause im gonna rewang my ass out! FEEWWEETT!! So that concludes that im gonna meet Hani as well. Kan Hani?? hehhehe! YAY!! Myabe i'll stay in the wee hours in the morning with Hairil as well. Then after dawn i'll continue rewang-ing. HEHHEHE. I so cant wait lar!!yay! Im so glad the manager's able to get me an off day for that day! I managed to get my friday and saturday free! IM A HAPPY HAPPY GIRL!! WEEEEeee..

Toodles! Got to go to school now!

Im not being dramatic or anything along that line, but seriosuly i need a good hug. Anyone willing me to give me free hugs? I think im missing out in a lot of things in life, most of the times, i ended up in bed crying. Im not the sort that gonna list down everything that's gone wrong but, by far, everything has been bad. )):

Lets just say im pretty happy with my life. You know that kinda average-okay-okay happy with your life. I really dont find anything to cherish about in life now compred to those days back with the YouKnowWho.

Adding salt to the wounds, my MSN is down. This is the 1000th times i tried to re-download the messenger but it isnt working as well. Seriously i dont understand the computer language. Firewall? Huh? Im blatantly stupid. Serious help needed here! Wan has been trying hard to help me with the MSN but i got tired with it cause its still isnt working! I mean waddahell.

And pathetically i have to ask my friends to call me up everynow and then for projects. I really hope my projects mates wouldnt mind. Nevertheless, The stillness envelopes me, there are no comforting sounds,I search for warmth underneath the covers when no one else is around.Maybe tomorrow I will feel good, when the black walls turn to white,But I won't feel alright tonight.Im missing alot in what they call LOVE. You know those random hugs, kisses on the forehead, eventhough its just merely bout holding hands.

oh yah Zainal is cute. Haha.. Btw this is typed by zainal

Currently Listening to: Please dont stop the music by Rihanna

Its funny how i always feel happy when somebody ask me what's my ambition and i will happily and proudly tell them what is it. YEAH! Weird i know. So incase you're wondering whats my all-time-go-on-dreaming-ambition, it is to be a wedding planner. :))

But considering the fact that the GPA is so far from 3, i doubt i can even get to any local university by the end of nxt year. NABEHCHEEEEEBBY. Okay to those sms isnt replied, im public-ly apologising becuase im very packed with projetcs. I've got so many dates with different projects from all over modules. PATHETIC LIFE YOU KNOW. But im glad my group is so hardworking, we go through so many up and downs just dealing with projects. You know when the projetc strt kicking in, the cranky-ness strt striking, the flames strt burning, the laughter start cooling, the tense penetrating.

But now, projects are good, we have come to the level of compromisation. Im glad for good! the only problem is that we're facing a major shortage of time!! I wish GOD stops the time for us to do the project, so everyone lets cross our fingers that the time, wud pass by abit slower then it should. :)) pray pray pray.

Then again despite the very much projects, there is some other factors that made the days very bearable. For instance... dating. HAHAH! WTH! So i realised something, im counting down to the days to HOLIDAYS!! tell me; i know ya'll exams have not even started and i have not even begin my revision and here i am dreaming hard bout holidays. POWER LA FATIN!

okay, lets me do something now, something productive or perhaps something more that weigh more sense. ((: Ermm here's a shoutout to WAN!! i wana say thank you for all the things you've done, be it to accompany me do projects till the wee hours in the morning for a straight week, to help me do a fair bit of the portfolio for my entrep project and the ultimate concern dude! Awws! THANKS!! THANKS!! THANKS!! ((:

okay bye bye. Got to do project. and ya its pathetic when i have to wear collar tshirts at home! Fuck la sey. Erm..here's something random. Anyone knows whats the best way or the FASTEST way to clear off a love bite? Pls email me if anyone knows the solution..im just curious. Thanks ekh! http://www.velvetshoelace@hotmail.com/

Good Bye

Its funny how Hani have my name first wirtten to write these 10 weird things about myself.(dengan name bapak pulak tu)So let me control C + and contorl V the rules of the game from Hani's blog.

RULES OF THE GAME: Each player of the game starts off with ten weird things or habits or known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write it in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1) Im a pesimistic gal and im a weakbanana. Tts for real.

2) I can easily fall for guys MATS. Oh yes! I can melt and drool and drool over Mats eventhogh i dont quite see them as my MR. RIGHT. Ironic isnt it?

3) I so hate minahs. I prayed that one day, the law book says all minahs who steals other people Boyfriends should be hanged to death. HAHHAHA!!

4) I cannot live without the mirror. Tts how insecure i am.

5) I need to go shopping. At least once a week or i'll go cranky!

6) I need the handphone. Its my life and death item.

7) I love dressing up! Dont ask me why!I get excited/sexcited/supercited to dress up.

8) I need an approximately 1 hr 30 mins to dress up to school. Is that long? Im not quite sure actually. :))

9) I can be a good listener. BUT dont ask me for advice. Wrong person dude!! Seriously!!

10) Im desperate for MR RIGHT! hahahha! :)) Sound convincing?

Till then the next few people i want to see suffer cracking their brains doing this is

1) ROHAIDA!
2) Lizah
3) Shila
4) Nazurah
5) Farzanah
6) Anyone who is willing to keep yourself from boredom.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Did i just typed a set of Fuck(s)? Yes! I apperently did. Im down with fever, flu and bad bad cough. Oh no. BUT BUT BUT..The fact that i got sick on a weekend is LOVE because firstly i never like to submit the statment of abscnece if i take MC on a normal weekday. Because its super-duper-absolute-troublesome.Firstly i have to go to the sch absent website which i dont hve an idea what's the link. Then i have to click and click on so many modules that i didnt attend. And what's worse is to submit the mc to those relevant tutors/lecturers. And seriously i dont bother to remember any of my lecturers or tutors name except my Business Law Tutor/Lecturer because his HAWT BABY!! hahaha! So tts my very very reasonable reson. :)))

So likesaid i thought of submitting my HR project to Kulaa in like 2 hours time and help Zainal out with our Quality Management project. Unfortunately, the stupid medicicne is making drowsy. I think im gonna have a short nap before i proceed to do my projects.

Oh yes its about almost 3 weeks that im coping with the single life. All i want now is intimacy cause im missing it. Like really bad. I just wish that there is someone to cuddle me, play with my hair, run kisses all over me and then smile and gives me a peck. That's gonna rock me out man!\m/Or perhaps someone who could just walk anywhere under the sun with me holding my hand. I suppose you get the drift. Well. i hope there will be a rule book for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've cross the line. Its pretty nice when you can see it coming. and then take it and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, i think life is kinda too short to follow rules. Maybe rules of intimacy is something that we have to deifne ourselves.

And at some point you have to make decesions in your life. Boundaries dont literally keep people out. I know its not perfect but this is life. That's how we're made.Life is messy. So practically you can waste your live by drawing the lines or by crossing them but there are some lines that are way dangerous to cross.

Oh i so miss the good times of having the love one by your side. I missed it so much that i never thought i would miss it this bad and im trying very hard to hold in the tears. I think everyday life without a boyfriend is okay. But deep down you know that you kinda missing out in love and affection. I gues its not easy or perhaps, im still in the withdrawal stage. :((

i'll make my way to an ol' good morning nap for now.

OH MY. WATDAHELL.

Im down with srious cough. Its bad cough that whenever i cough, i feel as though my throat would just come out every time i cough. Projects are just headache but im certainly looking forward for Sunday zoo's trip! WHOOPIDOOS!!! Yahoos. You know what sucks? Having period because it usually make my mood swings, swinging so bad. I think it swings better then the swing. Oh wtdahell, the education is not helping me. Its the limited vocab as you can see.

Sometimes and most of the time, i just wonder to myself that friends come and go in my life, some remain, some leave a very big impact and they leave alot of prints in the deepdown heart storage.Nvertheless, i never thought i could make friends with people i dont know. Cause i dont usually work that way. Call me stuck up. It doesnt really bother me. My circle of friends usually comes from my school friends or friends from friends or my working collegues. Usually the friends i make from saying hi dont usually make a difference in my life and sometimes i dont even bother rembering thier names even. But today, i felt that Wan just make my thinking goes the other way round. He's so nice to accompany me with my projects till 4:00am in the morning.

Who would ever thought a guy from club can be so nice and so great to accompany me with the never-ending projects. Thanks ya. Today, my interent connection was down and i knew i had to sent my projects to Shila. Darn! It was nice for him to offer his lappy to ensure that my projects were sent ontime. I never thought he's that kinda guy. Anwyas, company has been good these few days. and im miting Hairil this Sunday. Its funny how we messaged each other EVERYDAY but only met each other once only.HAHAH!

Granola Bars that my sis brought home are pure love i tell you. They are like HEAVEN! Awwwsss... My pay has finished!! Im done using all the money by one day! But its productive because i bought 2 dresses and 2 shoes!! and alot of other unimportantt stuff. :))yikes...SHOPPING Again.. Someone kill me pls!! I NEED TO SAVE. Tommorw im treating the family for dinner. I know im kind. Family includes the extended one as well; Yazid. Hahahhaa. and i think the uncle and the family is also coming along. YAY!! FAMILY DAY TMR!!

Oh my! This is insane! Today i had class presentation and also In Course Assesment that contributes that 10% in total. Well, i went through hell in school today. :( You know; for starters i have an approxiamte of 4 blisters on my feet! Whats annoyingly annoying was that, when i wore the shoe to MOS last Wed and dance my way through from 9:00pm to 5:00am i had no F-Blisters. Not even one and funny how i don't even have any pain on the toe or anything of those sort.

Today i was late for school, amazingly, my feet strt to grow blisters when i wore the shoes and make my way down from my blok. I was super irrritated. It's so painful that i have to flag a cab. What's worse, isit me or Cab fare has rise to $1.60. As far as im concern from my house (Bedok South Ave 3) which is an approximate walk of 10 mins to Tanahmerah Mrt will cost me about 3 Buckaroos plus. But no! Today the apek decide to say "$5.10" im like WHATTHEFUCK!! i strt clenching my teeth and strt cursing and swearing and chanting fuckfuckfuckfuck.

ICA for entrepreneurship was hard for me because its hard! Im sad sey! I studied like a bit but i cant do, hey i mean i wont study...hehhehe. Erm everything suck today! Suck la dey!! Suck suck suck.

Oh my i was supposed to follow the sister and the bf to market now! Because the sis boyfriend decide to cook for the Family Chilli Crab!!! See how much we love him in the house!! Okay so they are off to NTUC and cause i want to sit at home and blog my ass out. I must say, Yazid is so family oriented these few days.

They took gazillion minutes to wirte down the items to buy and now they heading towards Bedok NTUC to buy the ingredients! Hheheh!! I cant wait to eat!

Oh my I so wish to have a good, talented bf for now. Okay since Yazid can cook, maybe my Bf must good in sewing?? Hahhahaha!! Then he can sew our Hari Raye Clothes!! Okay!! Any fashion designers wana make friends with me??? Hehehhe. Till then, I love my current boirng life. :)

Ouh today is a bless because im not working. Usually u'll find me stuck in centerpoint on a normal weekend frm 9:00pm to 9:30pm. Today's strt of with a good note because The sister's bf is not working as so is me and the sister. Oh wells. One Happy Family! So we headed for morning breakfast at Serangoon.

Its good when you have a bubbly-kecoh-tak-tau-malu-guy at home becuase his SUPER FUNNY but can be EXTREMELY irritating! Hhahah. It feels kinda weird sumtimes. Because we use to have a family of 6. Since i broke off with the bf. Now its left with the 5 of us. Me, Sister, Father, Mother and the extended family, Yazid. Hhahahah!!

Oh wells.I enjoyed my day and i still have not study my Entrepreneurship Written ICA and its already 6pm. im such a DICKHEAD! Okay gotta mug! Well...maybe i shall see what's on TV before i strt on serious land. HAHAHAHs.

At times,i make a mental note to myself NOT to make friends with guys at Clubs. Probably because they have the word "IM A PLAYER" stamped on their forehead. But last wed, things took a turn. Its either the withdrawal symptom that im facing or the aftermath of my breakup, for once i felt that giving out my number was like CHARITY!! HAHAHHA Stupid i know.

Okay i dont usually do this. I just need to enlarge my circle of friends for now, i dont have a boyfriend. Okay the last time i was single was eons ago..like 4-5 years back. So i dont cope really well with the single life. But im here trying my very best to adapt with what they call "Being independent"

So last night i met up with Wan. We had talks over our iced-milo and green tea. Wells. His kinda nice and very kecoh. NS men seem so happy prbobaly because they enjoy their life despite of the daily physical torture that they have to endure.Hahah.Okay the major part was he knows Hafiz. and its no ordinary friend of his. He and Hafiz has been together since they were small. Childhood friends. Oh wells, must i say this again. The world is small and it revolves around the people i know.Bleah!

I was at the club and someone just went up to me and say " ekh you keje pat pizahut Siglap kan"
Im like. wth! da mcm muke poster sey! Okay! Shila says i must be honoured especailly when you dont know people and they know you. Wells, for me it doesnt really work that way. HAHHAHA. I can be pretty afraid with this kind of unexpacted friends.HEHEHE. IM-WEIRD-I-KNOW. Okay not only that, when i reach home, my sister was telling me,

"fatin, my friend say you didnt dance, you spent most of your time in the toilet"

Im like. okay i have spy ekh? OH MY. But its fun knowing alot of people especailly from different walks of life. Surprsingly im not a clubber but i enjoy those 1-2 trips in a month to clubs. Okays. My sister boyfriend is IRRITATING! But he's so nice to bring me to Night Saafri later at night!


Adik you're so untung sey! Im still finding my Mr. Right! :)))

I finally made it to Todays Pizza Hut meeting despite the very much projects. :)) and im so happy, cause at the very last minute im able to attend the fuction. And its simply good food! We ate somthing like hotel buffet. That cost evry individual that go around 30 dollars per head.

Neverthelss thanks to the sister for her hp, for i can take good pics. HHHEHEHE Oh ya btw, here's a shout-out to sis, GET WELL SOON TEMBAM!! Hehehe!! Love you sister!

The friends! There were 7 of us.



Okay i must say it worth the money! The food ranges from Jap to Chinese, to Western to Javanese to indian food. Its Pure love. Not only that, we had desserts from fruits to cakes to ice-creams. and the cake is super variety!



After that, Mizah wanted me to try the RAW OYSTERS! ITS GODDAMN SLIMY!! At first i dont quite like it. but i get the hang of it after a while.

The awful tryouts that kept my heart beating. I felt as though i was on fear factor. Hehehe



Till then i Love my sexy friends.

Right now, i feel like just going down to Tanahmerah Mrt and pay the $1.60 like i usually do. Wait at the MRT Platform...till the train arrives. and jump. There goes my life worth of 160cents.Today i screwed someone's life. Someone who obviously has been there for me during my break-up. Never in my life i felt so much love after break-up. He gave me that assurance, confidence, life to move on. and i did. Im happy that i move on, eventhough the pain of hurt still lingers. He was ultimately concern bout my life. My parents love him soo much. But it seems i cant get to settle things down because im just not ready for another relationship.

Everytime i try to expalin myself, i dont really have an answer for why i dont wana be in another relationship. Probably its due to the major-afraid that im gonna be hurt again, im gonna be fooled again, my expactations were way high above the sky.or im just very afraid. Someitmes i wish that i dont go thorugh this stage in life, so i can accept the one who love me without any doubts. I think, my ex has thought me major lessons, that cannot be found in text-book, guide-book or self-help book. One moment someone can tell you they love you, wana marry you, they cannot live wothout you and then the next moment they say " i dont wana be with you. dont you get it."

Those words were the most piercing things someone ever said to me. Especially when it comes from someone you love the most. Till then, i dont know what happiness is.(of course there's moments when i can describe myself being happy so does such a term need furthur definition?) Happiness....is redundant..there's no way i can explain what happiness is for me. Cuase happiness was there for us to feel and not to be define.

IM A FUCK HEAD! & IM SO SORRY.

ZOMAGOD!Everyone's waiting for this entry! The Clubbing days of Fatin and Shila. Before i say anything else, i must say! This was the best out of any other clubbing days because the mats are so HILARIOUS that i can laugh till my voice doesnt come out!

Okay like said, i thought 2 would be pathetic.I thought probably, we wont stay long in the club, since its only the both of us (me and shila) so dance abit and then proceed to East Coast! Ya right! There was no such things as dance abit man!! We dance till the the end of MOS!HAHAHAHAH!!

Okay, so we actually planned to go East Coast and not heavy clubbing. Ya, so we brought towels, slippers, toiletries and our clothes. I Tell you. Who goes into clubs with big haevy bags, flled with all that thigs mentioned?? So we had to undergo the security check probably due to the masive bag size. The cute-friendly-security guy just had to say

"Mak! bawak slipper semue!!"

Im like, hey, keep it to yourself dude!!! HAHAHHA. The first person i saw was Wee-Keong!!!! Im like! Major watdahell!!! Seriously! i always bumped into Wee-Keong everywhere i go. I go town, i see him, I go Pasir Gudang (Malaysia), i see him and now i see him in MOS even! Im was like! STALKER!!!!! HAHAHAHA! Met Min and the friends in the toilet. Chamwhoring like us. Hahahah!

After tht, we decide to be on the dance floor. WOHO! Grinding never seem so much fun then this because there's twist to eveything we do! Tts like fuckhead la! But major fun! We named the different Mats which includes, Mat Baik, Mat Bodo, Mat Bulat, Mat Hansem, Mat Cute, Mat Khayalan. Whatever la!! Its major laughter. SERIOUSLY!! Thats where all the fun strts. Its just so funny to blog it out!! Like seriously! I need more time to blog. NEVERTHELESS THE COMPANY WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

Its 30 mins before i go ngaji! Ekh, ngaji, ngaji, club, club tau...HAHAHA.

But people here's a piece of advice, pls go home after club. Dont be like me and shila and stright proceed to school. Because u'll end up like this.

Im so happy because my bestfriend is gonna get married soon! OKAY I so smell briyani. Both of us meet up because her boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are close friends. We build very strong bonds together. We thank them for lettting us meet. I failed in the relationship. But im so happy she's succedding in what they call love. You know what Aida, i dont know how to convey this message to you, but im certainly knows that i love you. You make me love you more even more.

Twenty-O-Five is a year i learnt to be a better person in life.

Its pretty 1:40am in the morning on tuesday. I dont know. Something like literally struck me, give me a shot in the brain, left me specchless, backspacing the sms i was about to send. And then...i send something that goes

I know tts stupid and it was a waste of the pathetic $0.05 ya.Whatever it is. What im going to rant about in the next few paragraphs might be due to either random, boredom, dumb, sadness, guilt, depression or anything along that line. Or well maybe all of it in one.

Sometimes, well most of the times, there's words that i dont literally say them out but that doesnt mean i dont mean what i feel.Well maybe feelings are not meant to be articulated. It might sound really wrong if spoken. So its better to bottle them up and tuck them deep down in the hearts storage shelf. Pathetically tt works for me. Or let me rephrase that,Pathetitcally,i work better that way.Its probably better to hide emotions but ironically, hanging out the laundry to dry might have a better conclusion.

To you, who's serving NS today. Who's departing in few hours time. Becoming a police man in the next few hours of your life for 2 years. I dont nid a friend/boy-friend like you especially the way you treat me.But because you shared that teeny-weeny bit of life with me, that left a major impact on me and a brain damage and a permanent heart problem, im here wishing you all the best in your national service days. I seriously dont know, that you have the heart to do such a thing. I suppose you're born ignorant. Well there's an old saying that "ignorant is bliss" and i suppose you're part of that minority who's ignorant of others for the sake to satify yourselves. So be happy you are.

Random-ly, They say the world is big. I suppose its big, becuase im not even fully covered Singapore eventhough its a full-stop-dot kinda small. But then again, contradict to what i just typed, Hanifah's Brother knows my Ex-boyfriend. And i felt as though the world just tumbled right infront of me at that moment.Now i shall declare the world is so small.and it revolves around the people i know.Its stupid but its true. Now i shall sleep before those eye bags turn to big garbage bags.

School has been a bless. With the nautical nonsense of the class, its funny how we always get stomach cramps due to too much laughter. We still have some more projects that is not yet completed. But ya. No pressure. I cant wait for Wednesday though! Hehehe.

Till then the blog needs a rest. Good Night and thanks Nurul for taking a picture of me sleeping in class.I suppose you're way Bored! HAHAHAH

Outing with the friends on 06-07-07

So i shall say today marks 1 week of our break-up. Im not emotionally down for things end in such a way, its hard to forgive and forget kinda thing. I dont know. Probaly its more dissapointment rather then sadness.

Its pretty hard to be in girl's shoe. i suppose.

Well, i must say something. Hanifah met my parents today. We're currently dating. Are we? HAHAHAHHA! Lols.Erm okay. I wont elaborate furthur. Thanks for the date! I totally enjoyed it. Btw to those who might not know who is Hanifah, here's the pic. :))

OMG. Did i tell you what happen on 06-07-07? I was at the bustop waiting fer my never ending wait for bus number 229. When suddenly there's this guy who tap me and say

OH MY GOD!!

I dont believe Nazurah's with Faizal! I mean, that's good. I feel so happy for her. Cause i know how much she love this guy. Back in those Pizza Hut days.I seriosuly dont mind having couples patch back with their Ex-s or something like that. Im jus so EXTREMELY HAPPY. For no bloody-reason hahaha!

Btw, Nazurah, I just saw the abang yesterday, when i go to pizza hut to pay a random visit. Mul was like showing off his new-ly done tattoo. Hahahah.

So Pizza Hut days was gerek giler. We had lots of fun. There's like a gazillion memories. We have our service staff matair nagan the riders, then some goes to the extend matair ngan budak KFC nye riders like me and Nadia. HAHAHA! Then the pizza hut riders will go " woi!! kite tak handsem ke? sampai nk kene cari pat KFC!!" hahahah! Let me see, the couples/scandals of pizza hut in couple of years back.

Nadia was dating Sogol (rider)
then...she switched
Nadia and Fahrin (KFC rider)

Suraya was with this blonde rider(i-dont-know-the-name)

Hamizah was with Khush (rider)

I was dating Hafiz. (back-of-house)
then I was with Sophian (KFC rider)

Nazurah with Faizal (back of house)

Ros was with Black.(back of house)

Iraa with Deen. (front of house/ rider)

Hadi with this secondary school girl(i forgot the name)

It was the most kecoh moments i tell you!!

I certainly miss pizza hut. But if i were to go back now, all these beautiful people are no longer working. So i really miss them. Anyone know where is Hafiz? I know his serving National Service but i have deleted his contact number by accident! Tts sad!

This was Me and Hafiz back then. :))

Today i met-up/msn/colled/sms with 7 different guys. All with a different background. Amazingly i know how to plan my timing. It strted at 8:00am i had random msn with zainal. My one and only guy mate in class. Pathetic i know. Then after that i msn-ed with the ex-boyfriend bestfriend and i totally blew up! Seriously you have no decent gf that you can consider your soulmate and you never had a good reputation with any girl, and here you're telling me, that me/girls, doesnt know what guys want. Really pist me off. I guess sometimes these kind of guys should just reflect upon themselves and ponder why they dont have girlfriends before telling others off. Do you even have a serious one? Fuck la. you guys are just blatantly Stupid.

Went to KFC and had lunch before went to school. Met up with Helmee and Haziq there. Chat and catch up with some stuff. Nothing much. I just plainly believe that guys are good gossipers. I think even better then girls. Otw to school, Hanifah coled me up. :) So nice to hear from him. I dont know why, but i treasure this guy. :))

Then reaced school met up with my guy-bestfriend. Catch up abit since we hadnt meet up quite some time ago. Oh you so got to listen about this. Theres this mat-rep tt wanted to know me. Out of pure irritation over what happen recently, i say, k why not i just give it a shot. Hack la. What can a mat rep do rite? The most if he turns me off, i shal just say bye.

But no, i reached somerset mrt at around 5:30 pm today. I cant find him. I coled. He answered he came out from the toilet his face was red. I dont know red out of blushing/embaressment or red out of anger till he decide to say hi, i immediatly/instantly know he has been drinking. The beer smell was horrendoulsy strong. Being a non-drinker im rather sensitive to this kind of smell. Oh kay. That was a pretty bad first impression. Seriously. Then he went haywire. He went swearing over the phone. I dont know if its his gf? or friend or whatever la. I dont know. I was f-scared i tell you. Then he say k "skrng da bleh jln" Im like jalan?? Jalan mane?? please please dont bring me to some stupid place. I haf the crime-watch scenes playing in my head. Im like pls pls. I go no more bboyfriend if this guy were to do aniting, who the hell am i suppose to turn to. I was like pls pls. Mane die nk ajak ni....

Then he went "asal u mcm takot je?"
me: Huh? mane ade?? No la...(must act cool pe)

(but the fact, im shivering. Really scared. He has tatoos bigger then whiteboard)

Okay i just hope he wont bring me to anywhere desserted. So i suggested somewhere infront of Wisma. He say he wans to sit at coffee shop. I was OH..TTS A VERY GOOD IDEA!!!! finally i was back to reality ground. Fyuh. He bought a can of calrsburg again. I tell you, i could have died there. But ya i dint die la. HAHHAHA. its just so f-scary to know a mat-rep who still has his tagging on and is DRUNK. i thought im gonna get rape! I know i might sound stupid, but i just feel insecure nowdays becuase there's no one to take care of me anymore. Its all about being independent.

Ok maybe tts the last time im gonna mit him. I tink if i mit him agaain. I DIE.After mitting that mat-rep, i met up with Tensssensohn Lee Ames. :)) im so glad i catch up with him. I SO MISS HIM LA. his so changed. i dnt know for the better or for the worse, but having him around, brighten my day. Anw,These few days im pretty pre-occupied. and im glad because i know it means im moving on with life. and i certainly did.

Tommorow (4th July) : NYDC wth sister and NAFA test 2.4km Run at 6:00pm
Friday (6th July) : Outing with the secondary school bestfriend.
Saturday: Full shift working
Sunday: Going out with Hanifah. :))
13 July: Outing with Pizza Hut collegues
and one of the July-s is chalet.
and the list goes on.....

Now im currently sms-ing Hairil. He's just the joker that will only message me after 10:00pm only. hahaha. Joker.

The gut feeling was right and the dream was obviously telling me something but i had to blatantly ignore it because im obnoxiously dumb.No doubt this is what an aquarius is. I felt as though i was being used. Well i was.

I dont know why i still bother. I teared when i woke up at approximately 8:00am in the morning when i realsied there were no missed calls and there were no new messages in the handphone.Usually i will get txt messages as "Good moring syg, are you awake?" Today it was different. It was silent. Crushed emotions engulf me in that few seconds. I cried and cried more than i should. Hoping miracles happen. Well it did happen to me once so i doubt its happening again.

I wanted to click....send message to him to make him realise on whatever shit his supposed to be responsible that he promised to and those yadayada stuff, but i pull-ed myself back. Gladly i know deep inside there's no point talking to some sense-less and no-heart man. I wish i can ignore people on a whim like some can do. Its so depressing to have the one you love most, the one you believe in the most to betray you. The fact, its Again. Being hurt twice is a no joke scenerio. If only i could detach myself from all this misery im facing.It would be a wonder.

For now, i dont know what happiness is.I just talk to the bestfriend and i can see that guys perception is a total difference as compared to girls.

I've got so many things to wirte about. But zero pictures to host up. Considering the fact that i've got not more pictures to host. Limited friends and zero love pictures. Okay. Forget it. You get the drift. Im just very very dissapointed with life. I didnt plan my life to be this way.

Everytime; i pray, i pray to God to forgive all my sins and to make us together forever. But now, i wish to take back what i wished and prayed for. Today God open my eyes again to let me see what's life is all about. Maybe we're not meant for each other. And eventhough this is hard, i accept this fact with a heavy heart.

I thought i wana proved to you that im gonna wait for you till you're done with National Service. Well, cause you want it this way, you get your choice. Life is all about making choice and you've made yours.

Proximity is at its worst today. Im upset with myself. Nevertheless its a lesson for me.Be it a good or bad one.The difficult phases in life ive been through made me a really special person deep in there. Eventhough being only 19. I guess, ive somewhat learn what life is all about. You know they say its not wrong to give second chances to the one you love. I did. I gave him a second chance. We went through that bit of journey; thinking its happiness and a happily ever after kinda story. But no, things took a turn after a while. Its hard hard to continue. Its hard hard to patch and return to the basic lifestyle again. Everything seem so different after that.

You made me swear and promise that i wont leave you. I did exactly what you did. I vowed to never leave you. But it was you who left me instead. Again. Ive got no strength to pick myself up and continue with life. Seirously my soul has died in there. Your mum once hold my hand, look into my eyes and tell me not to betray you and to take care of you and told me what you've gone through with your other ex-s. She almost teared when telling me that. I teared upon hearing them. Eventhough thinking that its a man responsibility to take care of the girl i promised the mum, i wont. I wont betray him, i wont hurt him, in whatever situation be patience with him. And i did all that and im literally proud of myself. I give in to harsh and hard situations. It made me a patient lil girl.

It was disspointing when those vulgar languages were thrown at you. and you, feeling hurt yet have to swallow those painful words. As though making yourself swallowing the outerpart of a durian. And then he said sorry for the words used. Ironically; those words were used again in few hours time. Thats alot of pain. Respect were practically equals to zero. How does it feel if you plan for one a cable car lunch and he/she just had to cancel it bcos he wants to go out with his friends. Its a pain in the ass rite? Well that was what happen. I thought of celebrating the anniversary in a different way this time. But like said, we plan, but God's the one who decide. So ya; it didnt worked out as thought.

We had lunch at Swensens. It was on dutch. Then we went to lucky plaza to get a PSP. I contributed to that PSP. Without me, PSP weren't his and i guess he wont get hold of that dream item of his till today. I guess after getting his want; he let go of me.I dont know if you're using me or the money. I'm not blaming him for all these but i've learnt my lesson. Till then im a very dissapointed lil girl.


For now, ive grown up. and i forsee my future in good hands because karma will slowly takes its place for all things that happen. My mum always tell me good things will come only once. I supposed mine has not even arrived yet. Its a slit in the heart. But i knw it will heal overtime. To those friends out there. You dont have to worry about me. If by any chance, my face is in the Obituary tomorrow, just send your condolences to my family alrights. Till then. Tts the teenybit fact abt me today. im more then sad. There no specific word that could describe my feeling for now.