Why are you giving me miss calls? What you want from me. You took my heart my soul away. What else. I got nothing more for you. I have nothing for myself even. You are the one that i love the most. why and what you want?

Once again, what im gonna type in the next few secs is nothing new because what im about to say is that my very-not-reliable-internet-connection decide to die the whole day yesterday! It was dead for the entire day man! Sighs, i had to go to my neighbour's house just to sent an email consisting of my project. Really. When is that 2 years bond with Singtel gonna end? It's practically like never ending.I think its better to switch to Starhub though! :DD

Oh my. Since the day i broke up, i got to know quite a handful of guys BUT BUT BUT i couldnt get along with ANY! It sucks. Today's another date that went wrong. SIGHS SIGHS SIGHS. Nevertheless, i think its rather inappropriate if i make myself believe that all guys are the same. But then again, im risking myself! HAHAHAH! Im so scared lar!!! Nabeh scared okay!

Ohya, anyway yesterday was rather productive. Lil' India was a successful last minute plan! (claps).Okay for those might wondering fatin da buang terbiat ke sebab pakai dress 2 days straight to school. HAHAHAH! YA! Aida made me wear a dress AGAIN!! See im sooo kind okay. I WORE A DRESS BECAUSE MY BESTFRIEND INSIST I SHOULD! :DDD hahahaha. Anways i got lotsofcompliments today though!! heheheh!! Thanks people! Btw for those who are wondering where i buy my dress, i bought them at Bali. Its cheap cheap deal! Its like $$3 SING DOLLARS ONLY!

So the motive is : GO BALI NOW!!!
:)

So projects were better off today. At least messages were gotten right this time round. and im happy 'bout that. After projects headed to lil india as mentioned together with Aida and Rafta. Had thosai. They are rather cheap though! Very cheap indeed! Went to Mustafa Centre to have free samples of perfume. Ya after much spraying, headed to Tampines Mall to hang-around. Yes! i took this oppurtunity to do my Entrepreneurship Project. Aida was the camera woman for the day. Snapping the customization shops evrything. See productive kan today?

Im able to juggle fun with projects. Sweet! But ya rather dissapointing when i cant send the projects assigned by Shila to me because of bad internet connection.Had to ruch down to Suhara's house to get it done. Yup i'll re-edit the project once my internet is up again! Its a promise. :)))

I called you today to say im sorry. But hey! To think again why must i say sorry, when you're the one having third party, you're the one having sex with the new girl, making up with the jurong chat girl that you recently got to know. I'm so stupid to say sorry. But then again luckily you didnt pick up the phone. YAY!!! :DD

i think someone better deserves me more! So much more. That guy will get my full attention love and care! :))Lets think the celebrity way okay, they say

Nevertheless, today i was feeling rather hippie and bubbly after a good cry just now. I'm happy because im coping with life and im getting use to this. i shall sing my way off people. Lee, i didnt call you back because i know you we're tired from work so i wanted to giveyou the rest. Wokays. See you at school.
:))))

Im practically munching to my verynotnice potato fries that costs me $1.60 and drinking the 40 cents chrysanthemum tea. Monday blues. I've just come to realise that evry monday im wearing black. Doesnt it explains?

im suppose to be out of the house at 6:45am as school starts at 8:00am. But i was finally awake only at 6:50am. I was damn late! HAHAHA. I had a quickie wash-up grabbed my un-ironed clothes, pack my bag and off i left the house.

Today was Global Supply Chain test. So practically i was late for the test as well. Reached school. searched my bag up and down for my hp cause i dont really memorise where's my class. But hey! Fatin has forgotten to bring the most important asset! The Handphone. Sucks. Rake up my personal diary to check out my sch time-table to see which class was it.

Darn! Level 4. It will take me till tommorow if i wait for the lift so i decide to be healthy and ran up the stairs.Rather fit jugak okay! HAHAHAH!
Reach class. They were already in the midst of the exams. I dint study. so ya. i left a pretty handful of blanks in my test paper.Whodahellcares.Now im blogging cause i'm having 2 hours break when actually shila told me to do project. HAHAHHA!! and ya.

Wells. i did this hairdo on Wednesday night. I cut my, hair trim my hair because of you. You always tell me,

well that was exactly what i did. i wanted to surprise you on friday's date. Because it would be our first official date after 2 weeks of break-up i was looking forward to it. Very much more then excited. But i dont know what struck me on Friday morning and call it all off. Dont blame me baby.

You'll find a better one. I just wana let you know. I cut this hair for you. Eventhough i very much dont like it.

Its so heavy on my heart since we're apart. Damn!

eeewww... shila... i hate him lar!!
Please dont tok about him infront of me. hehhehe.. :))
Anways. They visited my very bubbly Swarovski manager and of course i was given the Green Light to be release early from work to attend Nurul BM's Birthday tommorow.

Shoutout to Nurul: You should be happy!! Im going to your party tommorow! hahaha!

wells. im feeling sick inside me. but i know i'll get better soon.
Damn why do i have pessismistic thinking somtimes.

Dont you think we look simillar? I get "NO" Often. but ya. you might wana drop by her blog. The first name under my links. :DD

She's Hot jugak okay!

I thought the 2nd chance was the right choice. I thought the love could blossom back. But i was wrong. Really wrong.

It's very hard for me. Maybe not you.

I dont deny the fact that i still love you. I dont deny the fact that i miss you. I dont deny that i love your kisses your hug, your caress everything.

I love the way you say "you're my only princess."
I love when you say "ohmy...my princess is so beautiful."
I love the times you told me. "you're the only reason i live and i wan you as my wife"

we tok about marriage, we have our sweet talk about being engage. You made me believe this relationship can go so much to a higher level.

but now.everything comes to an end.

i know i wont have this anymore.i cannot forget the very very sweet memories we share. what do you expact from a relationship that's heading for 2 years. There's alot of blissful reminiscences that i cant plainly forget.

but there was only one reason that contribution that leads to the seperation.3rd party.

I know you said your apologies, you seek for my forgiveness.
my dear, i forgive you already if you wana know. But i think theres alot more then just being sorry. I cannot give this relationship another shot.
im sorry.

really sorry.

i still love you that's for sure. But i need to move on.
what you have done to me is my worst pain. I swear.

i dont know what i did was right or wrong. Im tearing for every sentence i write. Cause you mean so much to me.
Love you alot.
Gud bye.

okay last weekend i went to Vivo and i entered River Island Shop. (btw RI is my current fav.shop)

Then there was this very very very cute guy that came up to me and say.

"hi...wow...you slim down alot."

me: huh? when? what?
him: ya..the other day you came here with your mum rite and bought some stuff?
me: oh...you mistook me for my sis.. that was my sis..

him: oh sorry.. btw im lutfi.
me: oh ya.. im fatin.

so i continued to shop around and left the shop waving at him and ya HE drop a few smiles.(wink)

Then i reach home after a good bathe, i decide to raked up through the March CLEO magazine. and guess what i found??

cause his a bachelor!!

okay any one ones to accompany me back to R.I and get me his telefone no. NOW!!!

BTW...Check out what he's doing besides working as RI sales assistance, his a freelance wedding planner!! Wedding Planner is my ambition man! wuhooo..im on Cloud 9 for no reason!

OVERLOAD AND OVERDUE PICS OF MOS

i really dont understand why you have to message me at 7:03am in the morning. I make myself believe that everyday im gonna be strong and not tear for you. Today, i wake up with a strong mentality that im gonna move on with life. But your message just drained me. I teared to your message today.

(Though i wont reveal the content of his message)

why.
i guess only god knows how much i love you. I doubt you know even.

im writing this entry at school and im tearing to every "i miss..." that i write. Why today you message me? why? why after 2 weeks.?

-CRIES-

i thank god for letting me see this-fucking-thing-tts-going-on now and not 3 or 5 years later. I thank god, for the seperation, for he know he's not the one for me.
im typing this entry with my hands shivering, my tears dripping, and i barely can see the computer screen. My feet is intense cold, my brain is half shut. Every 3-4 seconds i have to literally brush my palm across my face to clear my sight.

I have never-ever felt this hurt before.Never i swear. Its Fucking hard for me to move on. Fucking hard. I swear. and i swear at this very night i will never want to be with him again. He's so happy fetching the girl from work, sending good night messages,darling, sweetheart,honey, baby, messages to the new girfriend who is 3 days old. when im at home crying my asses out!

its this what i deserve after 1 year 5 months?

i fucking need to move on! FUCK YOU!
i need to be strong. i really need the help. Im such a looser.

Nevertheless, i know i have alot of friends behind me, backing me up, being my backbone to help me continue with life. Firming my brain cells up and make me resilient and strong in dealing to this very vicious cycle in life. The rollercoaster.


The people who talk so much sense into me. and it does put a smile to my bleeding heart.

My sister: thnks adik for the support. Youve been there for me all this while.

My Parents : they give me somehting like a "holy-drink" to let me cool down. Father gave me a warm hug today. i felt so much love.

My Ex Ex Boyfriend Muhd Nazry: thank you for coming down at the scence 20 mins after the breakup you even come to my attachment place to see if im alright. You fetch me from school on Monday, You brought me to dinner, we had the quitest walk by the beach. The sobbing of mine you listen, how much you dont want me to be with him anymore. I know. How much you cared for me. Thank you Naz.

Fahmy: i know i ran down to KFC at 11:00pm Macam orang giler scampering in the middle of the road.just to mit you cause you're one of the closest to my ex. Thank you Fahmy for being there.

Aida: You know me better then i know myself. Thank you so much.

Ahmad: You practically skip your lecture class to console me & you call me at night to make sure im in my right mind. Asrina must be proud of you! Youre nice guy. Thank you.

Shila, Lizah, Zainal, Nurul: youre the people who i look forward too whenever i go school, It somehow make me extremely pleased.

Kamal my cousin: Thanks for the hug, the talk, the crap you did to make me smile.The starbucks of course.

Ali: I miss you verrry much tooo!!!! thank you. You even blog about me and my fucking situation. Trust me, i can move on and get the hell out of this feeling. All i need is time.

Hani: OMG you cried for me! pls dont, it hurts me more to see you crying for me. I can pull this off. Dont cry honey, Hani. :)) and ya the message lifted me, even for a second, it makes me somuch better.

Mizah: Thank you for following and sending the stuff to stupid ex bf house. Thank you so much, i was practically shivering when i was maiking my way up to his house. I guess without you, i wun be safe home. I need guidance, and you were there for me.

Supiah: Thanks for reading my blog and the fact that you messaged me to console me. thanks alot. i didnt expact from you though!! Thanks sup.

Jerry: Who give me very inspirational talk then really made my day.

Ash: who sists and talk to me make me so much better.

Helmee:Who in silence, make me feel so much better.

Cik Norbi: The help, the talk, the very motivating aunty in KFC.

My Swarovski Manager: Thanks cynthia. I know you cared for me. That you even bought 4 cofee bean drinks for me at 1 time. :) you ask me to go home when you see my ex ex boyfriend came. I dont want this fucking situation to pull me down and affet my work. so i really dont wish to go home eventhough you told me to do so.
..
..
..
and alot more but i just cant type anymore because my sight is blurred. and i dont have the drive to move on and continue to type.

i think i need Fahrin for now. His one guy who i can talk to and he doesnt know about this yet.

Akiki Ali Aida Anastasia Dina Juls Farz PH SLP Hadi Hani Hui Fang Kayly Lina Shazana Lilin Lizah Nurul Ronald Sebastian Seah Shu Stitch Shila Srojan Supiah Zainab
May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 February 2008