Proximity is at its worst today. Im upset with myself. Nevertheless its a lesson for me.Be it a good or bad one.The difficult phases in life ive been through made me a really special person deep in there. Eventhough being only 19. I guess, ive somewhat learn what life is all about. You know they say its not wrong to give second chances to the one you love. I did. I gave him a second chance. We went through that bit of journey; thinking its happiness and a happily ever after kinda story. But no, things took a turn after a while. Its hard hard to continue. Its hard hard to patch and return to the basic lifestyle again. Everything seem so different after that.

You made me swear and promise that i wont leave you. I did exactly what you did. I vowed to never leave you. But it was you who left me instead. Again. Ive got no strength to pick myself up and continue with life. Seirously my soul has died in there. Your mum once hold my hand, look into my eyes and tell me not to betray you and to take care of you and told me what you've gone through with your other ex-s. She almost teared when telling me that. I teared upon hearing them. Eventhough thinking that its a man responsibility to take care of the girl i promised the mum, i wont. I wont betray him, i wont hurt him, in whatever situation be patience with him. And i did all that and im literally proud of myself. I give in to harsh and hard situations. It made me a patient lil girl.

It was disspointing when those vulgar languages were thrown at you. and you, feeling hurt yet have to swallow those painful words. As though making yourself swallowing the outerpart of a durian. And then he said sorry for the words used. Ironically; those words were used again in few hours time. Thats alot of pain. Respect were practically equals to zero. How does it feel if you plan for one a cable car lunch and he/she just had to cancel it bcos he wants to go out with his friends. Its a pain in the ass rite? Well that was what happen. I thought of celebrating the anniversary in a different way this time. But like said, we plan, but God's the one who decide. So ya; it didnt worked out as thought.

We had lunch at Swensens. It was on dutch. Then we went to lucky plaza to get a PSP. I contributed to that PSP. Without me, PSP weren't his and i guess he wont get hold of that dream item of his till today. I guess after getting his want; he let go of me.I dont know if you're using me or the money. I'm not blaming him for all these but i've learnt my lesson. Till then im a very dissapointed lil girl.


For now, ive grown up. and i forsee my future in good hands because karma will slowly takes its place for all things that happen. My mum always tell me good things will come only once. I supposed mine has not even arrived yet. Its a slit in the heart. But i knw it will heal overtime. To those friends out there. You dont have to worry about me. If by any chance, my face is in the Obituary tomorrow, just send your condolences to my family alrights. Till then. Tts the teenybit fact abt me today. im more then sad. There no specific word that could describe my feeling for now.