i thank god for letting me see this-fucking-thing-tts-going-on now and not 3 or 5 years later. I thank god, for the seperation, for he know he's not the one for me.
im typing this entry with my hands shivering, my tears dripping, and i barely can see the computer screen. My feet is intense cold, my brain is half shut. Every 3-4 seconds i have to literally brush my palm across my face to clear my sight.

I have never-ever felt this hurt before.Never i swear. Its Fucking hard for me to move on. Fucking hard. I swear. and i swear at this very night i will never want to be with him again. He's so happy fetching the girl from work, sending good night messages,darling, sweetheart,honey, baby, messages to the new girfriend who is 3 days old. when im at home crying my asses out!

its this what i deserve after 1 year 5 months?

i fucking need to move on! FUCK YOU!
i need to be strong. i really need the help. Im such a looser.

Nevertheless, i know i have alot of friends behind me, backing me up, being my backbone to help me continue with life. Firming my brain cells up and make me resilient and strong in dealing to this very vicious cycle in life. The rollercoaster.


The people who talk so much sense into me. and it does put a smile to my bleeding heart.

My sister: thnks adik for the support. Youve been there for me all this while.

My Parents : they give me somehting like a "holy-drink" to let me cool down. Father gave me a warm hug today. i felt so much love.

My Ex Ex Boyfriend Muhd Nazry: thank you for coming down at the scence 20 mins after the breakup you even come to my attachment place to see if im alright. You fetch me from school on Monday, You brought me to dinner, we had the quitest walk by the beach. The sobbing of mine you listen, how much you dont want me to be with him anymore. I know. How much you cared for me. Thank you Naz.

Fahmy: i know i ran down to KFC at 11:00pm Macam orang giler scampering in the middle of the road.just to mit you cause you're one of the closest to my ex. Thank you Fahmy for being there.

Aida: You know me better then i know myself. Thank you so much.

Ahmad: You practically skip your lecture class to console me & you call me at night to make sure im in my right mind. Asrina must be proud of you! Youre nice guy. Thank you.

Shila, Lizah, Zainal, Nurul: youre the people who i look forward too whenever i go school, It somehow make me extremely pleased.

Kamal my cousin: Thanks for the hug, the talk, the crap you did to make me smile.The starbucks of course.

Ali: I miss you verrry much tooo!!!! thank you. You even blog about me and my fucking situation. Trust me, i can move on and get the hell out of this feeling. All i need is time.

Hani: OMG you cried for me! pls dont, it hurts me more to see you crying for me. I can pull this off. Dont cry honey, Hani. :)) and ya the message lifted me, even for a second, it makes me somuch better.

Mizah: Thank you for following and sending the stuff to stupid ex bf house. Thank you so much, i was practically shivering when i was maiking my way up to his house. I guess without you, i wun be safe home. I need guidance, and you were there for me.

Supiah: Thanks for reading my blog and the fact that you messaged me to console me. thanks alot. i didnt expact from you though!! Thanks sup.

Jerry: Who give me very inspirational talk then really made my day.

Ash: who sists and talk to me make me so much better.

Helmee:Who in silence, make me feel so much better.

Cik Norbi: The help, the talk, the very motivating aunty in KFC.

My Swarovski Manager: Thanks cynthia. I know you cared for me. That you even bought 4 cofee bean drinks for me at 1 time. :) you ask me to go home when you see my ex ex boyfriend came. I dont want this fucking situation to pull me down and affet my work. so i really dont wish to go home eventhough you told me to do so.
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and alot more but i just cant type anymore because my sight is blurred. and i dont have the drive to move on and continue to type.

i think i need Fahrin for now. His one guy who i can talk to and he doesnt know about this yet.

Akiki Ali Aida Anastasia Dina Juls Farz PH SLP Hadi Hani Hui Fang Kayly Lina Shazana Lilin Lizah Nurul Ronald Sebastian Seah Shu Stitch Shila Srojan Supiah Zainab
May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 February 2008